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It has been a while since I wrote here in my page, and I’d like to apologize to my avid readers because I’ve been very busy doing stuff lately. Actually, I’d like to think that I’m still lazy to do things. *Sighs* I really wish I am not this lazy because it really affects my performance in school. But I’m trying to outgrow my old self, and try to be productive everyday, and I’d like to think I’m making an improvement.

So what has happened to me lately, you might ask. Well, to tell you the truth, not much has happened to me in med school, except the fact that I realized how peaceful my life has been. Well, not really that peaceful, but I think I’m living the life I really wanted. As I’m writing this post, I’m actually thinking, perhaps this coming week, I’ll try to be different. I’ll be smiling at everyone I see, but keep myself from interacting with people. I don’t know, I just think I’m starting to hate crowds so much, every time I’m a part of it, I try to stay away. OMG! I wish I know what’s happening to me. Am I really becoming anti-social? Maybe I really haven’t adjusted yet but I’m pretty sure someday I”ll embrace this change in me. For sure, I will become better adjusted in the coming days. And I’m sure I won’t lose my happiness even if I become the quiet type.

What’s also become different now is I cannot be the person I truly am. I am really confused as to how I should act with these new people I am dealing with. Is it really necessary to tell them about how colorful my world is? That I am not living in a  black-and-white world. That my life is beyond all these traditional things they grew up in. I’m not really sure. I’m really trying to figure out how to work things out between me and the new world I’m living in. Although, I do hope when the time comes and everyone knows about my not so secret identity, everyone would learn to accept me, and not think that I’m someone who’d make lives miserable. I just hope everything would still be okay, or at least, everyone would feel neutral about me, or even indifference than hatred.

My first hell week will be happening soon, and I’m doing my very best to keep up with the lessons, and so far, I think I’m doing a pretty good job. I started reading the coverage for the exams, and I’m glad I am because at least I am not cramming anything. Even if I’m taking baby steps, I think I can survive this first hell week. I only wish I could get high scores so that I could maintain my scholarship. Oh yeah, I was able to get a scholarship for one year, and I’m really blessed because it means that my parents won’t be spending a lot of money for my tuition fees.

Oh yeah, I would also like to say that I haven’t been having a great time in life lately. Yes, I might be doing my best to stay happy and trying to be happy but it seems as if it’s not working. Somehow, I feel like I’ve lost a part of me. Maybe I haven’t really adjusted to the fact that I’m living a new life where I don’t actually know anyone, except for a few friends. I really wish I’d find my happiness again. I really miss it! I wish I had someone to talk to always. Someone who’d share the same sentiments I have. I wish I had a roommate. I wish that roommate is my partner. Aaaaaaaaah! I’m dreaming again, which is really depressing because it only worsens my “condition”. So, now, I won’t be thinking too much about life these coming days. I still have lots of stuff to read!

Lastly, I would like to tell the world that after writing this stuff, I think I am very much a different person again. I don’t know, but for some reason I am smiling again. I haven’t expressed myself lately, but now I guess I am satisfied. I’m sorry if this is crap but I’m really glad I did this. I missed writing. Hopefully next time, I’d be able to write more. I guess, this is it, for now! I’ll keep on living, and so do you! >:)<